If being obsessed with trying to get as big as you possibly can is your goal, then so be it. I’ve been in that boat. And let me tell you it is not a good boat to be in. I remember when I first started working out from the start I just wanted to get huge. At the time I didn’t know anything about nutrition so I would eat a bunch of junk calories (pizza and grilled burgers everyday). My weight jumped up to 255 lbs. and it wasn’t a lean 255 one bit at all.
I didn’t care at the time about detail, shape, symmetry, or being athletic. The food I was putting into my body daily also took a toll on my health as well. I just didn’t feel healthy. So next up for me was I always wanted to compete but knew if I wanted to do bodybuilding I would have to do some serious drugs because for one, I’m 6’3” so it takes a lot more muscle to fill my frame ,and two the sport is just infested with drugs.
I made the decision to do the modeling show Universe Weekend. I had always dreamed about being on a cover so I figured this might be my ticket. The first time dieting down to do a show was a rude awaking. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I was eating WAY too many calories to try to lean down.
Anyways I ended up weighing a smooth 218 lbs. I placed 25th out of 75 guys. I didn’t really care about my placing considering I looked pathetic in my opinion but still accomplished meeting Adam Silver of Silver Model Management. Shortly after the show he booked me on my first modeling job which was the cover of the Under Armour catalog. They cropped half of my face off but eh…I still got paid.
After that I went to NYC for a week to do my first NYC test shoots (a test shoot is basically to see if you’re photogenic and use the images for your portfolio). I hated NYC on my first visit coming from the small town of Roanoke, Virginia. It was very overwhelming thinking this is where I would have to live. I figured I still wanted to give it a shot though so I moved there for a couple months and managed to book a couple things but still wasn’t happy.
Feeling like a failure, I went back to Roanoke with my tail between my legs to personal train again. After being back in Roanoke for a short time, I realized that I just needed to focus more. So I tried to give the fitness modeling a shot again and competed at the 2008 Universe Weekend show. This time around I knew a little more about nutrition and ended up placing 9th out of roughly 100 competitors. Shortly after brings me to what this article is truly about.
Throughout my whole bodybuilding experience I was surrounded by steroids and was always contemplating using. I felt the need to take my body to a new level chemically. I was consumed with trying to gain muscle mass at whatever cost it would take on my own personal health and body. I had bigorexia. I would look at myself in the mirror and not think I was muscular and big enough.
I decided to join the dark side of bodybuilding and in August 2008 I did my FIRST and ONLY steroid cycle. I wanted to put this story out there because I’ve always been accused of taking steroids and now I want to let everyone know that yes I did one cycle. Do I regret it? Not necessarily, but I’m so thankful and fortunate that I did not go down that road any further because that is putting an expiration date on your organs and overall health.
I did one 8 week cycle. When I did decide to do this cycle I made sure to take all safety precautions and research as much as I could before I decided on taking this.
I now know that you do NOT need steroids to achieve a physique that I now have at 204 lbs. I think they are dangerous and I totally preach against them. My past is the past and I cannot change that but what I can do and what everyone can do is look forward and make change today!