08-26-2008, 01:10 PM
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#161 (permalink) |
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Coming Up The Ranks
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Virginia
Gender: Male
Training Exp: 1-2 Years
Current Goal: Cut Fat
Photos: JBird86's Gallery
Posts: 147
Rep Power: 4
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This ones a lot funnier when you tell it to someone in person....
How many A.D.D. kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Lets go ride bikes |
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08-26-2008, 01:33 PM
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#162 (permalink) |
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Coming Up The Ranks
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Virginia
Gender: Male
Training Exp: 1-2 Years
Current Goal: Cut Fat
Photos: JBird86's Gallery
Posts: 147
Rep Power: 4
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I know Im going straight to hell for this, but they're hilarious
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? A: she needs the other to moan with. Q: Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? A: You would too if your name was 'Urghrrghrghr'. Q: Did you know that Helen Keller had a dollhouse in the backyard? A: Neither did she. Q: How did Helen Keller burn her hand? A: Trying to read the waffle iron Q: How did Helen Keller break her arm driving? A: Trying to read a stop sign Q: How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret? A: Break her fingers Q: How did Helen Keller go crazy? A: Trying to read a basketball |
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03-15-2009, 01:21 PM
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#163 (permalink) |
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Frequent Poster
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male
Training Exp: 1-2 Years
Current Goal: Performance
Photos: Mike91's Gallery
Posts: 566
Rep Power: 10
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Ever seen Stevie Wonders wife?
neither has he. . |
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08-03-2009, 10:48 PM
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#164 (permalink) |
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Frequent Poster
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Virginia
Gender: Male
Training Exp: 2-3 Years
Current Goal: Build Muscle
Photos: ThunderChickenVa's Gallery
Posts: 683
Rep Power: 12
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I saw a girl who was wearing a shirt that said "Guess" on it....I said, "Implants?"....she hit me.
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The Chicken |
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08-03-2009, 11:00 PM
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#165 (permalink) |
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M&S Power User
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Iowa
Gender: Male
Training Exp: 3-4 Years
Current Goal: Build Muscle
Photos: aloren's Gallery
Posts: 1,709
Rep Power: 0
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An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder.
The drunk guy just ignores him. After a while the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down. He notices that the alien has no genitalia. He then asks "You guys have no genitalia, how do you guy have sex?" The alien, still poking him in the arm, just smiles! |
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08-04-2009, 12:23 AM
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#166 (permalink) |
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M&S Power User
Join Date: May 2009
Location: West Plains
Gender: Male
Training Exp: 1-2 Years
Current Goal: Performance
Photos: kds48's Gallery
Posts: 1,920
Rep Power: 65
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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
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Leave for BCT January 5, 2011!!!!! Time to kick it in the @$$. 2 weeks left and counting............................. |
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08-04-2009, 12:41 AM
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#167 (permalink) |
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M&S Power User
Join Date: May 2009
Location: West Plains
Gender: Male
Training Exp: 1-2 Years
Current Goal: Performance
Photos: kds48's Gallery
Posts: 1,920
Rep Power: 65
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Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so ****ed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the **** is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!" This one is hilarious as HE!!...... A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy". Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either." Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely s*** my pants."
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Leave for BCT January 5, 2011!!!!! Time to kick it in the @$$. 2 weeks left and counting............................. |
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08-04-2009, 01:36 AM
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#168 (permalink) |
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Frequent Poster
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: yo' mamma's house
Gender: Male
Training Exp: 2-3 Years
Current Goal: Get Fit
Photos: kingaustin's Gallery
Posts: 617
Rep Power: 9
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An elephant gets lose in a really rural town when the circus train derails. Anyone who sees a large gray creature is told to call the sheriff. A housewife who has never seen a elephant before quickly spots him in her field and calls the sheriff:
sheriff: hello, sheriffs office Her: Sheriff I found your animal! Sheriff: What's he up to? Her: he's pulling up all my plants with his tail! Sheriff: Really? what's he doing with them? Her: you wouldn't believe me if I told you! A man was recently arrested for making big money, about 3cm to big.
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Side effects may include; weight gain, increased appetite, increased sex appeal, huge arms, massive strength, XXL t-shirts, self confidence, low fat diet, sexy pectorals, sheer ballsiness, and penile growth. If muscle growth persists for more then four hours, consult a mirror. |
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08-04-2009, 03:40 PM
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#169 (permalink) |
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Seasoned M&S Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Scotland
Gender: Male
Training Exp: 2-3 Years
Current Goal: Build Muscle
Photos: Nyghtbringer's Gallery
Posts: 2,236
Rep Power: 30
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Sorry have you seen my beachball?
*Most muscular pose* Its about this big! |
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08-05-2009, 03:03 PM
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#170 (permalink) |
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Just joined M&S
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: London PAP PAP lol<
Gender: Male
Training Exp: 1-2 Years
Current Goal: Build Muscle
Photos: JokaJJayy's Gallery
Posts: 16
Rep Power: 0
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How do you make Lady Gaga angry?
...Poke-her face! BAH DUN TSSS!
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 My workout routine, Monday-Friday = Bicep curls & Bench press |
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